im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize