I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
