M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
