I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
