The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
