I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
