Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
