It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
