i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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