You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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