ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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