i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
