some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
