...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
