I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
