jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
