How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
