you have to choose: penises or morals?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
