Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
