I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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