just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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