You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
