I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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