My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize