I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
