THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
