when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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