She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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