if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
