RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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