its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
