i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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