Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
