I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
