Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I deserve this hangover.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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