it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
