First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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