he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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