I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
