im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got inside last night via doggy door
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am available for nakedness
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize