youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
