What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
