I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
