You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
