Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
