I'm lost and stupid without you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
