I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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