Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
