Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
