You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
