so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
