I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
