i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
