He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
