I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
