I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
