well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
