She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
