Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
