yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
