Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
