Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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