thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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