I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
