i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
