I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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